Martin Henderson

Reviewed by Rosie
July 1, 2006

The movie that got me interested in MH's work, surprisingly enough was "Torque". My friends and I love to watch movies that take advantage of computer graphics techniques. We just love to analyze how good or mediocre the programmers working on the movie have done their jobs. Back in February, "Torque" was on cable and one of my friends knew about this movie so we decided to check it out. About five minutes into the movie I was ready to find out what other movies MH had played in. Yep, that is all it took for me to stop and notice, LOL.

I love mindless movies, I do not need to watch a movie and see if it makes sense or not, as long as the movie can hold my attention, that is enough for me. And boy did "Torque" hold my attention, LOL, yap, more like 100% of my attention, and more like MH held a good 75% of that attention, LOL, what computer graphics technique, what are you talking about, LOL.

OK, on to the story. There is a biker/mechanic named Ford played by MH. Oh, one thing worth mentioning here is that, I do not think it was just a coincidence that all the prominent cars in the movie, the two cars in the opening sequence and the racecar that Ford found inside the truck trailer and used as a getaway car, were all Fords, LOL. Moving on, Ford's girlfriend, or should we say ex-girlfriend, Shane (Monet Mazur) is also a mechanic and has her own bike shop. Then there is the resident bad guy Henry James (the writers must have had a fun time trying to come up with character names!), who is leader of the Hellions biker gang and a drug dealer.

Anyhow, a few months back, James had asked Ford to store his state-of-the-art motorbikes for a little while, and Ford agreed. However, James had stashed kilos of crystal meth hidden in the gas tanks of these bikes, and it actually never occurred to him that Ford might try to start up the bikes, as a curiosity, you know, a biker sees an amazing new bike and just moves on, impossible, and I am basing this observation on my own experience with software, someone gives me a software CD and asks me to hold on to it for a while, there is no way that I just put that CD away and go my usual way, LOL, I want to load it up and see what is in there and what the program is all about, nosy are we, yes we are when it comes to everything software related, LOL.

Anyhow moving on, apparently FBI were on to James and when he gave the bikes to Ford, they thought Ford was involved too. Ford found out that FBI was after him, so he hid the bikes with the drugs in the tank, somewhere innocuous, and fled to Thailand, pretty smart, yap, I thought so too! LOL. And now six months has elapsed and Ford is back, "for only one reason, and that is you", as he tells Shane. I had a good laugh here, because as Ford said those words, I thought to myself, "and now she has to take you back!", when Shane said the exact same words, LOL, smart girl, LOL. Anyway, on the way back, Ford stops at an eatery in the dessert to collect a photo of himself and Shane that was conveniently still in the wall there and as he is headed out he runs, again conveniently, into his two best buds Dalton (Jay Hernandez) and Val (Will Yun Lee) and the three of them head into town, but not before Dalton has a running with Junior (Fredro Starr) who is a younger brother of another bike gang leader Trey (Ice Cube).

Junior is the resident troublemaker, LOL, he dreams of becoming rich and powerful, and he sees one way of making his dream a reality is to setup a deal between James and his brother. However, Trey does not go for the deal. On the other hand Junior keeps baiting Ford, but Ford keeps ignoring him. So James, the bonehead, comes up with the bright idea to kill Junior, getting his revenge on a deal gone bad, pin the murder on Ford, getting his revenge for his missing drugs, and score one against Trey, the rival leader. I told you it was a brilliant idea!

Are you still with me, OK then, because I thought I lost you somewhere back, LOL! So we have Ford, Shane, Dalton, and Val in one corner, Henry and his gang in another corner, Trey and his gang in the third corner, and yes there is a forth corner, LOL, FBI agents McPherson (Adam Scott) and his partner Henderson (Justina Machado) occupy the fourth corner, LOL, chasing one another all over the dessert. So this is the story, well they tried to make it a story, but go with it, ignore the story and admire Ford, LOL, or if you prefer to admire Shane and China (Jaime Pressly), be my guest, they both have admirable physiques too, LOL.

You know I enjoy praising someone's work when I can tell they enjoyed creating it, and I have come to an understanding that the people in charge of this movie DID have an amazing fun. Beside the name picking, they had added inside jokes here and there, and one has to pay a very close attention to make sure they are not missing those jokes. For example, one second into the movie you see a street sign going into spiral and then what comes out of it is "cars suck", LOL. To be honest I did not see it the first time that we were watching the movie, my friend pointed it out, but I had already missed it, and had to wait to catch the movie again and see it, LOL, nice touch, LOL.

Another joke was that, in the back window of Ford's gateway racecar is an advertisement for Kerker, I did not know it, but somehow I suspected that it must be an inside joke, and when I checked the web, what do you know, LOL, it turned out that, it is a big brand name in motorcycle parts and accessories, LOL.

Another needed-attention-scene, which I did not get the joke, was toward the end when Shane and China are fighting while riding their bikes. They show Shane under a big Pepsi sign and China under a huge Mountain Dew sign, and at this point Shane has a blue/white leather ensemble on, while China has a black/red leather ensemble on, they start going at it, and I am, all the while thinking, doesn't Pepsi and Mountain Dew belong to the same company, did not get that one, LOL, or maybe they are trying to say that these two are too dumb in fighting each other, since it is for nothing, LOL, I do not know!

And of course my favorite quotes, LOL.

Ford: "I live my life a quarter-mile at a time."
Shane: "That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.", LOL.

Shane: "I know you said it wouldn't be any fun if it was easy, but does it have to be that much fun?", LOL.

Anyhow, the critics, from the professional movie critics, to the professional bikers and all, trashed this movie. But this was "the movie" that introduced me to all movies MH, and so I am counting it as a good, actually a great fun movie, LOL.